Is your child showing signs of anxiety?
You might have noticed your child seeming quieter than usual, struggling to sleep, or complaining of tummy aches before school. Maybe they’ve started worrying about things that never used to bother them. It’s natural to wonder whether this is just a phase or whether it could be anxiety.
The truth is, anxiety can look very different in children, and it often hides behind everyday behaviours. In this post, we’ll explore the signs to look out for, why they happen, and some gentle ways to help your child feel calmer and more secure.
What’s going on?
Maybe you’ve found yourself feeling that things don’t seem quite right. There are often signs that you will notice as a parent, they seem quieter lately, you’re getting more complaints of a tummy-ache before school. Or they just seem to be worrying about things other kids aren’t bothered by. You might be questioning whether it’s ‘just a phase’ or if you’re worrying about nothing. You might even be unsure as to whether you’re overreacting – but, if you’re wondering whether your child’s worries are signs of anxiety, you’re not the only one, and there are loads of ways you can help.
Common signs of anxiety in children
Just like adults, anxiety in children is a perfectly normal human response. It can be a helpful feeling, but when it’s frequent or stops your child from doing things they enjoy, it might need support.
Anxiety can be more present when the body thinks there’s danger, even when there isn’t. It’s not attention seeking or bad behaviour, but the nervous system is asking for safety, seeking it even!
You might notice other signs of anxiety in children too:
- Trouble sleeping – or settling, they might complain of nightmares or bad dreams
- Irritable, grumpy, quicker to get angry over little things – you might have a huge blow-up over shoes or getting ready
- Suddenly fearful, worried about school or seeing friends/family
- Headaches or tummy aches – often before things happen, or around changes, routine events
- Feeling tired or drowsy – more than is normal for your child, or even when they are well-rested.
- Changes in appetite – you might notice they aren’t hungry anymore, or want to snack more than usual.
- Needing the loo more often
- Becoming clingy, needing to know where you are (particularly in younger children)
- Seeking reassurance constantly – this sometimes appears with perfectionism, needing things to be ‘just right’
What helps when anxiety shows up?
It’s hard to know the right thing to do when you can feel that something’s not quite right – and even harder to see your child upset and worried! Whilst you absolutely don’t need to fix everything, there is a huge power in connection before correction, and what I mean here is not that this needs to be corrected. You aim to connect with your child by responding calmly and validating their feelings. You don’t have to have all the answers; nobody does. Your calm presence is what matters most. You could start just by naming the feelings you think you are seeing, “it looks like you’re feeling…” does the job of giving your child the language to describe what they are feeling, and to feel seen; and possibly to decide for themselves whether that is what they are feeling – attempting to try and guess is a great way of guiding them towards self-awareness.
You might want to try using different techniques together to help them build their own toolbox to be able to regulate and bring that feeling of safety back when anxiety is running high. It helps to try them when you and your child are calm. This makes it easier to bring them up when needed!
3 quick ways to help your child feel calmer:
- Name the feeling together: “It sounds like you might be feeling worried about…” / “It looks like you’re scared of…”
- Take some slow breaths together. You might want to demonstrate putting your hand on your chest, and just noticing the rise and fall, and inviting your child to breathe with you – this also helps them to not feel alone in doing this.
- Offer genuine reassurance, let them know “you’re safe, we can figure this out together” – you’re not bulldozing them, just letting them know that you’re there to support them.
When to seek extra support for child anxiety
If you’re thinking about getting some extra support for your child’s mental health, that’s totally understandable! Dealing with anxiety can be tough, and it’s normal to feel a bit overwhelmed. Maybe you’ve been working through this for a while and have tried quite a few different things, but now you’re really worried because the anxiety seems to be hanging around longer than a few weeks. It can affect school, home life, and friendships, and that’s not easy for any family.
If you’re seeing physical signs of anxiety in your child, consider talking to a GP or reaching out to your child’s school’s wellbeing or pastoral lead. They can be a great resource and might suggest options like a school counsellor or additional wellbeing sessions. Remember, you know your child best! There’s no need to wait until things feel really serious; even small steps can make a big difference early on. Taking care of emotional health is just as important as taking care of physical health, so don’t hesitate to seek help. You’re doing a great job looking out for your child!
Free tools to help your anxious child
If you’d like to start helping your child feel calmer at home, I’ve created a free printable resource, The Big Feelings Toolkit. It’s full of conversation starters, calming tools, and ways to talk about emotions together. And if you’re looking for something more in-depth, the Dealing with Anxiety and Worry workbook offers more practical ideas and insights to help you work with your child to understand what’s going on beneath the surface and how to respond.
Start small. Start today.
Small steps really do make such a huge difference; every moment you pause and connect builds safety and trust. You’re modelling safety each time! You don’t have to have it all figured out to help an anxious child; you just start where you are. And that’s enough.
Parent Reflection: Think of one moment this week when your child seemed worried.
How did you respond? What might you try differently next time after reading this?
Recent Comments